You know me well enough by now to know that I am hideously nostalgic.  I spend a fair amount of time looking back, because it in some ways, easier than trying to look forward into a hazy future I don’t yet know.  Everywhere you look, on TV on the radio in magazines, they are all trying to summarise “The Noughties” and in many ways I don’t know how or where to begin.

As the clock turned midnight at the beginning of the Millennium, I seem to remember being very unhappy.  I was about to return to boarding school (which I hated with every inch of my body) and life didn’t seem to be doing what I expected of it, or wanted it to be.  Much of 2000 was spent in teenage-filled turmoil (as is a teenager’s life, you know how it is) which I wouldn’t have ever been able to admit then, but can happily reflect upon now it’s over.

2001 really changed my life for the better.  Despite some very rough times, I remember 2001 as being almost magical.  My mother and I moved to a new area and we set about creating a new life for ourselves.  More than anything I remember 2001 and 2002 being fairly inward-thinking years and fairly hedonistic ones.  Not much happened, some good, some bad.  I just followed on.

It wasn’t until 2003 that things really started to change for me.  Having “dumped” a rather ineffectual boyfriend (and got out of a pretty awful relationship) at the beginning of 2003, my mother and I went on a whirlwind holiday in Cornwall.  By complete happenstance, half-way down the M5 motorway we needed somewhere to stay overnight and we passed a sign for the town of Glastonbury.  I instantly knew that it was where I wanted to spend a night, before our proper holiday started.  We raced around trying to find accommodation and found a wonderful place to stay, and then found the Chalice Well Gardens.  I had finally found somewhere where I was accepted!  I fell completely in love with the place and still, to this day, find it to be one of the only places I consider “home”.

Upon returning home, I started my own small business and had some success.  By August of that year I had met (and rather instantly fallen in love with) Mr.VP and I started seeing life as something wonderful again.  I continued to work, Mr. VP and I had a long-distance thing going, until January of 2004 when he moved in with Mum and I.  I passed my driving test the next month and discovered four-wheeled freedom!

I worked hard for most of 2004 until Mr. VP got a job up here in the North East which is where we moved one very, very icy November day.  We moved into a really, truly beautiful house which was possibly one of the coldest, least-friendly places you could wish to live.  On paper it was ideal, acres of our own land, beautiful gardens, listed old house, huge rooms etc.  But it failed to mention the lethal electricity connections, the not-so-working boiler, the band G council tax and how bloody cold the place would be.  That winter I learnt how to tend a fire, cook really warm hearty meals and to survive without hot running water or electricity.

It was in May of 2005 that we bought and moved into the house we’ve been in ever since.  It’s a quirky property, built over a hundred years ago, with big windows and nice sturdy walls.  We fell in love with the place, making it our home almost instantly.  We had ups and downs, like everyone does, but during the time here I have grown up, grown into my own skin, and just like the house I retain many of the foibles that make me… me.

In 2006 we got married on a blustery Summer Solstice day.  I mostly remember the huge salmon that I was up all night tending, and the gazebo that blew away at 5am!  We had our honeymoon in Dorset and I suppose that was where I found true happiness in it’s purest form.  It was the happiest time of my life.  Since then I have changed jobs, changed haircuts, lost our beautiful dog, gained two tempestuous cats and have made a lot of changes to my life.  But I’m still in love.

2007 was simple and steady.  It was probably the most relaxing, least challenging year.  2008 was the year everything happened – you know what I mean, but it wasn’t just those events which changed me.  I met so many people that year who had vast, enormous impacts on my life, even though they probably don’t realise how much of an effect they had.

And then there was 2009 which started very unhappily, but which has ended on a slightly sweeter note.  Yesterday we put the house on the market.  We aren’t going to keep it “in case”, we’re not going to rent it out and have the chance that it might not be loved like we love it.  We are going to let it go and move on with our lives.  Suddenly after all this time of worry and stress, we’re starting to see the light.  I won’t be working for much longer at my current job – I have the chance to move on and start something new.

And it’s snowing, on and off.  That’s always a good sign.  It looks like it’s going to be a good, good year.

Happy New Year to all my readers.  Thanks for the emails and the comments and the support.  May you all have a very happy, healthy 2010 and beyond.

The festivities are over-with, the brightness and the anticipation of Christmas have once again waned into a slightly sad feeling – it’s all over.  For me this in-between time is a strange one.  In many ways I am desperate to keep Christmas going for as long as possible, yet in other ways I am ready for the New Year.

We got up very early this morning and braved the sales in Newcastle.  We were reasonably successful with our endeavours.  We didn’t go mad, Mum got some lovely jumpers for a bargain price and I got what I went out for – bargain Philosophy cosmetics in John Lewis.  After we fought the crowds, we fell wearily into Pret to grab some lunch (their miso soup is really good) before heading back towards the car park.  There is something to be said about getting up early, the cars arriving in town were trying desperately to get parking spaces, yet when we arrived the carparks were empty!  Feeling rather smug as we dodged the queues, we got home and decided that as so much is up in the air, it would be better to take down the tree now rather than later.  So we dismantled it and said goodbye to all of the ornaments for another year.

We are in a bit of a quandry here as we go into the New Year, me being me, I am in an alien and rather daunting place as we work out HIPS and estate agent jargon.  It doesn’t help that I will be up here and Mr. VP will be away working down south.  It is going to take a lot of hard work to pack up the house and arrange things, all whilst (hopefully) trying to show people around the house and find somewhere to live down there.  I am having sleepless nights (something that rarely afflicts me) and despite the usual eating-so-much-at-christmas-I-waddle-through-January, this year I have hardly eaten anything (I’ve lost weight!) – not even managing to finish my Christmas dinner.

Until recently I have always been fairly blasé about the thought of moving house.  However now it is a reality – or at least will be in the future, I now understand why moving house is rated as one of the 3 most stressful things after death and marriage.  I work on timelines, with lists and structure but the not-knowing of this move is causing a lot of stress.  For now Mr. VP is lodging with someone near his job but this will only be until mid-January when we will have to find somewhere more definite to move to.

Thankfully Christmas itself was warm and bright, and perfect.  Quiet and relaxing for all, despite the house-stress.  I am now looking forward to getting the wheels in motion and moving forward.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a thing stirs, not even a mouse…
The cats are meowing and the cards are all writ’
The presents are wrapped and the tree is quite lit.

Our ham has been roasted, with honey and cloves,
We are singing hymns and rejoicing ourselves.
As the light is quickly dimming, the candles come alive,
We laugh at Garrison Keillor and are glad we’ve survived (another year).

As the cranberry sauce cools, our minds are joyful,
We’re savouring every last heavenly morsel.
For the first time in a long time the family is around,
And the house is full of bustle, and mayhem and sound.

Laughter and singing and even some dancing,
For one night alone this peace is entrancing.
Tomorrow our spirits will all be uplifted,
As presents are opened and duly are gifted.

Once dinner is finished, leftovers out of paws reach,
We shall sit down in front of the Queen’s Speech.
Our day will be over for another year,
With full tummies and grateful cheer.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. x

For the first time since Mr. VP and I were married (actually, pretty much since we got together) we aren’t together. This isn’t because anything bad has happened, but instead much better news; Mr. VP got a wonderful job Down South and so has gone down to begin his new job. Until we can sort the house out, I remain working and living up here. We hope it’ll only be temporary, but it all depends how long it takes to either rent or sell the house, and upon me finding work down there.

[2007]

The last few months have been an ode to leaving Northumberland. I have quietly been going to each place I have loved and saying goodbye to it one last time. To the beaches, the rolling hills, to Alnwick, Hexham, Newcastle, to the lovely warm Northumbrian people and the places we have loved and the place we have called home for the last 5 years. I have grown inordinately fond of this place and leaving it has become more of a wrench than I thought it would be. I hadn’t realised I had adopted this land as mine, we got married here, we had our wedding reception in the back garden, we have had such happy times here.

[2006]

I won’t disclose our new location until the New Year (new year is for new things, old year for old), but from what Mr. VP says it seems to be a really wonderful place. Full of nice new things to see and do, new adventures. We’re both ardent adventurers, awaiting these new places to visit, things to find.

[2008]

In many ways this has been the logical realisation of our dreams.  Since last January we have been planning and hoping to leave here, though now it is actually happening, I feel reticent.  I don’t know what I’m scared of; leaving the place where I’ve grown as a person (where did that timid 18 year old go?), the place I feel very fond of or whether it’s simply because there will be bigger, newer things to come.  I don’t deal well with changes, I am often very scared of the unknown.  Perhaps I’m just fearful of the jump.

[2009]

But just as Mr. VP’s job brought us up here, it is his job that will move us again.  For me this move will mean I am almost wholly through a cirle of the British Isles, I started off in the far west and will have only one move more to complete my loop.  For the pair of us it will be reinvigorating, finding our footing in a new city will be another adventure.

[2007]

Yet at the same time, I cannot get over the sadness of losing this lovely old place we live in.  Northumberland is a beautiful place, a dark, brooding place, sometimes bleak but never far from a friendly face.  Hence perhaps the reason I can’t fully get behind selling the house – I can’t let go.  I am scared of losing the wonderful memories we have here.  I don’t doubt we’ll be back, though.  If nothing else we will continue to see concerts at the Sage, visit friends and enjoy the beauty.

[2008]

I started writing (secretly) back in January about leaving Northumberland, and it was written in a different tone.  It has taken a whole year of trying, of preparing and of growing before I realised that I wouldn’t be leaving this place on bad terms, it would be on really good terms.  We have a lot of history here, both good and bad, and like it or not we will be leaving here.  How we leave, and how we continue forward, will be up to us.

Now it’s just a case of learning to say goodbye to the old and saying hello to the new.

I’m sorry it has been such a long time since I last blogged. My time has been spent looking inwards, as I usually do at this time of year, reflecting on where I’ve been so far, how I’ve arrived at this current place and thoughts of the future.

I have been busy with work and the remaining preparations for Christmas. In the cold, dark evenings I have been sock-knitting. I like the fact these socks are in double-knitting and apart from some difficulties with the grafting of the toe (again) they knit up quickly and easily. They are much longer than my other socks and use one 50g ball per sock. I used Wendy’s Peter Pan (not sock wool) because I like the colours.

I have also been busy with Christmas parties and outings. On Tuesday we had the work Christmas outing which was nice, if a little hot, there was lots of dancing and I hear before the night was out, some oddities on the dancefloor (and some missing trousers somewhere along the line).

Yesterday my very good friend and I went to see Thea Gilmore at the Sage in Gateshead. I thought her last gig there was probably the best gig we’ve been to, but last night blew it out of the water, it was amazing.  Her new ’seasonal’ album Strange Communion was just amazing.  I have loved Thea’s work for years, but I truly found this concert to be some of her loveliest work, especially as she sang one of my favourite songs from a previous album; December in New York.

We had Rod Clements (a member of folk band Lindisfarne) as the support artist and hearing his music for the first time was a folk-music revelation. They had a guest appearance by one of the members of the Incredible String Band and his daughter. As Mr. VP couldn’t attend I was so glad that my friend braved the snow with me. I think it was an eye-opener for her as she hadn’t been to the Sage before.

We met Thea and Rod after the gig and had our CDs signed, before venturing out into the icy-cold Northumberland night. It was truly freezing and snow was carpeting Newcastle. Beautiful but icy.  Once we’d walked across an eerily-quiet, snow-capped Newcastle, we found a place to run around in the snow and took pictures on our camera phones.  It was a truly perfect night.  We drove home, nervously, at 20mph as there were no gritters around and the roads were treacherous.  Never before have I driven on the A1 at 20mph!

Finally we got home and the snow started to fall again.  Falling into bed some time around 12.30am, I didn’t stir until 6.45am.

I have much more to tell you in the following post, so keep visiting in the following days.