If 2005 was the year of new responsibilities, 2006 the year of small miracles and 2007 the year of stability then 2008 was the year of change (yep, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…).  If you had’ve told me this time last year that I’d have done all the things I have, that I’d have got a new job, lost our dog, lost other things, found my feet and moved on, met someone who means an awful lot to me or watched the sun rise over the North Sea at 3.40am, having spent the night talking to a very dear French person, I wouldn’t have believed you.  It now seems like half of it didn’t happen, it seems as though I have been watching a film of my life for the last year.

I don’t ever even try to guess what will happen in 2009, because much of what happened in 2008 was so random and unplanned that I couldn’t have guessed it had I wanted to.  But with each year that passes, and with each cycle – spring, summer, autumn and winter – I know I’m gaining knowledge and abilities that are leading me onto new things in life.

I think this year was a pointer, telling me that perhaps I wanted too many things too soon.  I wanted to race ahead of myself and possibly not think of the consequences fully beforehand.  At the moment it’s enough to think about a mortgage, an almost-full-time job and a marriage, maintaining those 3 things, than it is to think too much about adding to our problems.

In 2008 I’ve had to let go of more things than I’d ever have wanted to mention.  I still find it nigh-on impossible to talk about our dog, so I will say only that I miss her as if she was a daughter and loved her so, so much that I don’t think we’ll ever be able to own a dog again.  However I’ve also been able to let go of bad things too and I’ve had to grow in confidence and strength to be able to overcome these hurdles.

Today we’re going to let go the ashes of G, somewhere peaceful and quiet, and somewhere we think she would’ve liked.  So that we know she’ll be undistubed and free.  We don’t want to carry her into 2009 and be haunted, we want to let her go forth.

If I was writing one of those round-robin things that some people send with their Christmas cards, telling the world how Wilhemina got an A* in astrophysics and Bobby is now a show-jumping champion, mine this year wouldn’t be the happiest to read.  Indeed much of the family, well, I say family, I mean many of the people who know me, don’t know of the things that happened.  My letter wouldn’t be the happiest, and I have to say that this year has been the biggest challenge and the most difficult year of my life because I’ve known two counts of real loss.  Of  such pain physically and mentally that I didn’t think I could breathe, that would haunt daily moments for months afterwards.  No one wants to read about that sort of thing.

However, because I’m either a) a blind optimist, or b) plain daft, I believe that it all happened for a reason, and there are certainly wonderful things that’ve happened this year.  Finding Frenchy and our friendship, finding my own two feet again, getting a job, becoming a little bit more self-dependent have all helped me change myself and my life.

I don’t know what 2009 will bring, I never do, but as I stare down the days left of 2008 I know I am now ready for 2009 and I’m ready again to face a new year and new challenges that will come of it.

As the bell tolls the hour, I expect that Mr. VP and I shall find ourselves in bed, listening to those chimes on Radio4 and hearing the cracks of fireworks, both on the radio and outside.  We won’t be partying until dawn or getting drunk, we’ll be sitting inside, in our bed and our house, thinking of what 2009 will bring.  The verge of this precipice of unknowing, just out of sight.

So from my house to yours, I wish you all a Healthy and Happy New Year and I’ll see you in 2009!

Goodbye 2008.  Welcome, 2009.

Well, Christmas was a quiet one, but a lovely one nonetheless.  It was nice being able to spend 2 days not doing much, even though on Christmas day we were up with the larks, and I was busy cooking our Christmas lunch.  Though I didn’t feel particularly Christmassy (no amount of music, turkey, Christmas lights, tinsel or “The Muppets Christmas Carol” can make you feel that way if you’re not feeling it already) I did have a good time and getting to spend some lovely time with Mum and Mr. VP was the best bit, as well as Mum’s dog H who is the most wonderful creature.

Work is good, busy but good and I’m still enjoying it, though I’m having to make lists just to keep me on track with the things that need doing day-to-day.

Mr. VP is still off work and will be for another week, so it’s nice to have him to come home to when I get back from work in the dark.  We’re planning to do some very special “us” things when I have Wednesday and Thursday off – just the two of us.  It’ll be the first time we’ve had together for some time now and I can’t wait.

I’ve got a post coming for the New Year – can you believe it’s only 2 days away now?  2009…  Gosh.  It seems that it has come ’round so fast.

I’m debating whether to leave the tree up for much longer or take it down on my next day off – though I hate taking it down and putting it away for another year, Christmas is over and I’m itching to start cleaning and bring in the new year.

We usually take it down the day after my birthday which is the hugest anti-climax, but if we do it beforehand I think it’ll be less of a blow.  Anyway, off to do some housework before I fall into bed!

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Nothing was stirring
not even the mice
(we found yesterday, living in our cupboard under the stairs…!)

The puddings are ready,
the turkey is bought
The neighbours have visited
And now we really ought…

To make haste with the evening
Of jollyness and fun!
Because before long,
long before the rising of the sun

Santa will visit and present this house
With a wealth of fine gifts
and happiness throughout

But before he does this,
long before that,
I’d like to stop-by and wish you all,
The Merriest of Christmasses, One and All.

[My Mum's new dog, H. She is the biggest, furriest teddy-bear dog with the saddest story to tell]

This morning began as my days off now always begin – with a lie-in.  I didn’t ever do this before,  but then again I didn’t have to get up as early as I now do, but I find that I cherish the extra hours sleep.  After waking at sometime past 8 (bliss) we had no agenda other than a few things ’round the house and then the time was our own.  After a slow wake-up and we’d eaten our poached eggs on toast and nice strong tea, we went into Newcastle and found a remarkably empty car-park and meandered into town to do some last minute shopping.

As we walked into town, via a road we don’t usually use, we found a coffee shop that enticed us.  It’s called Central Bean and it smelled so good, and though similar to another certain worldwide coffee house, it was different enough to get two new customers through it’s doors.  I was actually pleasantly surprised when the coffee was not just good, it was great (coffee at “coffee houses” can be variable at best)!  As was the caramel slice – one of the best I’ve ever tasted.  Not to mention the free wifi, and power-points for those with laptops/devices to charge.  Rock!  It even boasted a sink and cleaning area to clean your own Central Bean branded mug – eco-friendly too!

Which is why when we returned home, and Mr. VP tried to find out about this coffee house which we both thought was something straight out of Seattle (it does say “A true taste of the pacific Northwest” everywhere and it was so polished and professional it must be a large chain!), we could’ve been knocked over with a feather to find out that this was the only coffee house in the company, and was also the company’s headquarters.  It is such a good coffee house that we’ll be frequenting it regularly from now on.  I’m picky about my lattés and have tasted many, many of them, and nowhere does lattés like these guys.  Go and visit them if you’re in Newcastle!

Having finished our delicious lattés and caramel slices I had a mission, apart from the few last-minute gifts I really needed to get myself a new coat.  My old one is a couple of years old, and though it’s really comfy and warm, it’s starting to look a little shabby.  But I’ve been having so many problems finding the coat.  You know how it is, it’s either the right design but the wrong colour, they don’t have your size or it’s far too expensive (yes, I was ogling a RochaJohnRocha coat in Debenhams the other day, but at £120 it was a bit too much!).  However after exhaustive searching, I found the one I was looking for, and not only did it look good, it fitted like a glove and was on sale, so instead of it being £70 I got it for a very good £39.  It must’ve been my day, because not only did I get that absolute bargain (I like those!), I found myself a pair of trousers that fits my funny apple-shaped body (and another bargain!).  Hooray!  I could’ve kissed the cashier as she put them through.  Bliss.

As we walked past John Lewis (my favourite department store, by the way) we heard the glorious music of what could only be the Salvation Army Band.  As we found the band playing in the central atrium, we stood and listened for a good few songs, especially when they played my favourite; “Do You Hear What I Hear?”.  My skin prickled as they played one of the songs I look forward-to most at Christmas.

All in all, a really lovely day.  I even had time to pick up my new glasses, so it’s almost a full top-to-toe makeover.  Happy days.

Finding time to blog has become a challenge that I’m not winning.  But I’m also not complaining.  My new job is lovely, the people are genuinely wonderful and I’m enjoying myself immensely – I am full of exctitement about the future.

But my blogging?  It’s fallen by the wayside I’m afraid!  I hope you don’t mind.

When it comes to Christmas, I’m very aware that unlike all the other years, I’ll be working on the 24th (ok, I did that for the last 2 years… but still) and I’ll be back on the 27th.  Though I’ll be missing a lot of the run up to Christmas, I am looking forward to the time that Mr. VP will be having off, that we can spend together as we wish.

I have news: I/we survived the much-dreaded visit of the Parents-in-Law.  We managed a civil visit.  It was slightly awkward, but it was civil, and I think it’s a start.  Who knows.

Pretty much all of our Christmas cards have been written – I’m still writing those for the people at work (it’s not easy when you have as many new colleagues as I do, remembering names is not easy!) but most of them are done.

I’ve yet to feel really Christmassy, but I think that’s because I haven’t had the time to get really into it.  However the tree is looking lovely, the 1st Christmas cake is iced and tastes heavenly, the advent calendars are being opened each morning with glee and it is really beginning to look like Christmas.  I can’t believe that it’s only 8 days until we get our turkey, and a mere 9 days until Christmas day.  How did time disappear so quickly?

I am already trying to slow things down, so I can savour this season before it’s gone for another, long year.  But time is rushing ever quickly by, and already I’m anticipating New Year and what it will have in store for us all.  Though for now I’m trying very hard to stick to thoughts of mince pies and Santa.  Amen.