It has been a long time since I have been in the garden to do anything meaningful. I’ve tended the chickens and used the garden as a through-route onto the fields and hills beyond, yet I haven’t done anything “gardening-ish” in a long time. I kept procrastinating and looking at the bewildering amount of things to do – there are weeds appearing daily, weeds and dead stems, litter from the storms. So much to do. Today was the first day for a while that it was bright enough to go out and do something. I donned wellies and took my Opinel knife out with me, my favourite gardening knife bought on honeymoon in Poole almost two years ago, took a roll of garden refuse bags (as our compost bins are well and truly full) and attacked the weeds and plants in a methodical manner.

It would probably be a good time to point out that I’m on large doses of hormones at the moment and so am prone to mood swings far in excess of anything known to me before – Mr. VP is considering purchasing a hard hat, as health and safety legislation dictates whilst in hazardous environments. Which is why I could be seen muttering under my breath often as the wind decided to whip my hair up so it was in my face and also send the refuse sacks billowing across the garden in a big gust. But it really is true that being outside can help your mood. When I came in an hour and a half later, I felt renewed and proud of myself. OK, I haven’t done my 10,000 steps today, but I was definitely exercising with all the bending and heaving that got done.

I could see the beginnings of tulips, buds and daffodils. And the wallflowers, bless them, had opened. The only flowers in the garden apart from the primulas who are also bearing the cold to show their faces.

Here are the before and after photos – and although it doesn’t look much different, it is. It being winter and a damp winter at that has meant that pulling up perennial weeds like grass and dandelions is very easy. No digging or trowels necessary – just a pair of rubber gloves and a little determination.

[before]

[After - it is better, honest. Everything just looks a bit dead.]

I have also had the time, during the days and days of relentless rain, to finish the Rainbow Blanket. This blanket stands for a lot of things – it’s become quite symbolic of things that are happening and have happened of late. And because there are rainbows involved, it has a lot of hope intertwined in its threads. We did actually see a good few rainbows the other day – but I’ll post about them later.

We also saw my car’s 11,111th mile – something that Mr. VP documented (I may be moody, but I’m not mad enough to take photos whilst I drive!)

And there’s a tuna-mayo and salad pitta bread just for fun – to show you I really am eating healthily.

I’m currently going through a bit of a blogging dilemma. There are certain things I would very much like to be able to post about – such as the hospital appointment and reasons behind it. But it’s funny because talking about things like that isn’t exactly what VP has come to represent. I’m having to do a lot of soul-searching these days and it would be nice to be able to document my journey – but until I’ve worked out how it’s going to happen, I’m keeping Mum!

But I’m posting and that’s something, so I’ll leave it there for now. Thanks for your comments and messages of support from all of you.

You can tell I have a lot on my mind because blogging – and by extension, commenting on blogs – just doesn’t get done. I may swing by a couple here and there, but my days are spent everywhere but the Interweb. It’s not that I haven’t got lots of things to tell you all – it’s just that sometimes finding the right words are difficult.

I have been doing things though – really good, positive things. Remember I said I was getting fit? Well, not only am I trying to walk a lot more (my pedometer and me, we go everywhere together) I’ve also been eating incredibly sensibly. For me this is akin to climbing Everest in a bikini, covered in golden syrup – I mentioned it before (in layman’s terms) I have PCOS and it means my body craves sugar like it is the lifeblood of the human race. That isn’t an exaggeration, either. It makes losing weight at all a trial, and if you do lose weight for a while, just continuing to lose is a big deal. However I’m following a low-sugar/ low-GI and calorie-controlled diet invented by Yours Truly, and believe it or not, it’s working. Two weeks in and I’m already down 4lbs, feeling healthier for my walks and enjoying life.

And to keep my mind off sugary things, sweet things and all the things I like eating in life, I’ve been crocheting. It’s a Rainbow Knee-Blanket, because I have been seeing lots of rainbows of late. And not just from my solar-powered rainbow maker, but when we’re out on walks, and when I’m tending to the chickens. I love rainbows, I even had a day of twenty rainbows. Rainbows, like snow, and the sky that turns green when the sun rises and sets, are absolutely magical. They happen when I’m on the cusp of something new and good, and remind me that there is always something to smile about.

Tomorrow Mr. VP and I have a day off together, which will in part be spent at the hospital attending an out-patients clinic (having first slathered ourselves in hibiscrub – just as well I have my own supply…), thankfully for nothing serious (though a good wish would be thankfully received). As for VP, don’t expect a flurry of posting activity – or, sadly, commenting – but I am still here in spirit.

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Now playing: Tom Waits – Midnight Lullaby

The weather hasn’t changed for days. The rain keeps falling, and the light is barely there. It’s as if we’re living at almost-dusk all day. But there have been moments when the skies cleared, and the big blue expanse of sky was there for all to see. The sun shone for a few hours and I got as much exposure as I could. The lack of sunlight is driving me mad!

I’ve been taking the dog on longer walks too, even in the rain. I wear my big green Dunlop wellies and we walk. Up hills and down dales, sometimes in circles, sometimes on the streets and sometimes on the grass.

The poor chickens have stripped the lawn bare and are often seen with wet, muddy feet and muddy beaks from their foragings in the soil for the yummy worms that come to the surface after a shower.

[Nutmeg]

[Gooseberry]

The days are still short, too. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to get light again. Then you see a vista like this, and you know Spring is on its way. Slowly but surely.

I have spent an ungodly amount of time splashing in puddles with the dog this week. It’s all part of a new exercise and diet regime. And believe it or not, I’m feeling much better for it. Even though it means I have to spend the best part of an hour in mud. Talk about bringing the inner child out in me – I’m sure G is utterly embarrassed by the whole thing.

And I now have irrefutable proof that Spring is indeed on the way – our wallflowers [Persian Carpet Mixed, 2 years old] have already started to blossom. Got to give them credit – 2 months earlier than expected, but stunning nontheless. A little bit of hope never goes astray.

Now all we need is a month of no rain at all, and lots of long, cold, bright days so that I can get all of the necessaries done in the garden and I’ll be happy.

A few months ago I mentioned that I felt change on the wind. Small, almost imperceptible tingles in the air that said something was coming. And since new year I’ve felt it again, stronger than before, it feels like something new is about to happen. It’s quite exciting, a bit worrying, but still quite exciting. I feel that like 2006, there will be some new challenges to overcome and decisions to be made. But at the moment it feels new and positive.

I’ve had a lot on my mind of late, and when I have a lot on my mind, I bake. It doesn’t have to be anything wonderful, it’s usually a cake or some bread. Today it was both. I started with cheesy bread – make and prove dough in the usual way, in a round dish put grated cheese (preferrably mature cheddar) on the base and divide the dough (I used 1lb of flour in the dough to give a rough amount) into 7 balls.  Put each ball in the pan and top with more grated cheddar and, if you’re in the mood for a good dose of gluttony, another cheese of your choosing.  I did opt for gluttony (and also needed to finish some cheese left over from Christmas!) so I added cubes of Wensleydale with cranberries.  Leave it to prove in a warm place for 30 minutes and put into a moderately-hot oven (gas mk. 6, 200ºC) and cook for 30 – 40 minutes.  Best eaten warm with butter for full artery-hardening effect.  But boy it does make you happy to eat it.

The cake element were some cupcakes, a basic 4oz/ 4oz/ 4oz & 2 recipe with a heaped tablespoon of gorgeous mincemeat and orange-zest.  Not as Christmassy as you may imagine, but incredibly delicious.

In Fannie Flagg’s wonderful trilogy based around the fictional small-town of Elmwood Springs, Missouri, one of her cast of lovely characters is a lady called Neighbour Dorothy.  Down-to-earth and friendly to everyone she is the neighbour everyone wants, even running a radio show in her own living-room, bringing her fame and adoring fans across America in the 1940’s.  The reason she came to fame was by mentioning that she liked to use a particular brand of flour in her cakes which she baked daily.  It says in the book that baking calms fraught nerves and stops blue moods.  Definitely something I agree with – baking is very relaxing, whatever it is you choose to cook.   Now I’m off to enjoy the results of my labours.

It took over 10 minutes to defrost the car this morning, it was bitterly cold. Though there was no wind, the stillness imbued the land around it with pure iciness. The ground was white everywhere. But we wanted to go out and have a long walk, so we defrosted Holly and headed off to our local National Trust property.

It wasn’t as quiet as it usually is during a week-day in Winter, there were people there and a fair amount of children. But we headed off for the forest walk, long and winding through the estate. I always say this when we head off into the beautiful English countryside – but how could anyone cease to live in England, it is the most beautiful place in the whole world. Not to say the Russian Steppes, the plains of America or the Himalayan foothills are any less beautiful – but there is so much beauty packed into this “green and pleasant land” that I could never discover every single bit, even if I dedicated my life to trying.

Our first encounter with the ‘locals’ when we arrived was as I was opening the flask of coffee I’d whipped up before we left the house. It was a robin who was incredibly tame. In the spirit of friendship I broke up a bit of my Choco Leibniz biscuit, removing all traces of chocolate, and threw him some crumbs which he gratefully enjoyed. There is such a feeling of one-ness with the world when a small creature puts their trust in you. We both felt incredibly honoured.

We sat and watched woodpeckers fight in mid-air, we listened to the calls of coots and, quite amazingly, happened upon a stoat in its white Winter coat with a little mouse or vole in its mouth. Scared at our intrustion it ran past us at great speed, carrying its floppy, lifeless pray, and continued to dive down a hole.

A different robin found us in the forest and followed us for a while. There were so many of them, living very peacefully together.

The walk gave us time to talk and catch up on things in a relaxed way, we took pictures of each other doing quite silly things, and talked about things past, present and future.

Much like the Viburnums (above) and the trees which were starting to bud and flower, there was hope springing forth all around us. The shapes of the bare branches in silhouette and the scent of cyclamen made the day beautiful and memorable for both of us.

As we were heading home, the sun was already going down at only 2pm. But the weak sunlight was also golden and sweet upon bare branches and bare faces.